Your Pregnancy Story Matters
I went through two miscarriages. The more I talked about it, I realized it was more normal than I thought. A lot of people came back with “I had one last year too” or “my sister had three and now has two beautiful children.” Why is nobody talking about this unless someone else brings it up? Then I realized that it is not just miscarriages. Pregnancy is rarely a clean story where everything is right on time and perfect. For many people it takes longer than normal, they discover a fertility issue or just simply can’t seem to get pregnant at all. No matter what your story is IT MATTERS and should be heard. Being open with my pregnancy struggles has helped me find healing and new relationships with people I wouldn’t have before. Here is my story:
We got pregnant in September of 2017 the very first time we tried. We were on our Mediterranean Cruise, which I think helped a lot. I have never been more relaxed in my life! We were so excited, a little shocked and a little scared when we saw that double line. We saw the doctor on Thursday, November 2nd and I was about seven weeks pregnant. That Monday, November 6th, I woke up in a pool of blood. Thank goodness I was sleeping in dark sweatpants, because it happened in the night and it did not wake me up. I even laid in bed for a minute checking my phone before getting up and going to the bathroom. Then, when I sat on the toilet I saw the blood all over and screamed for Greg. I knew immediately that it wasn’t normal.
I walked into the room to change my pants and saw something fall out. Sure enough the little thing was on the ground right before my eyes. I went into the doctor and they confirmed that it was a miscarriage and I was sent on my way. Was I supposed to go to work? Was I supposed to go about my everyday life? Even though I only knew I was pregnant for about two weeks it had completely rocked my world. It became everything I read about and was the source of so much joy. How could this thing that was all consuming and life changing suddenly just be gone? I am pretty sure that night I came home, drank a lot of wine and devoured some fried food.
Christmas break rolls around and we try again. Sure enough, we get pregnant and this time I waited until I knew I was passed eight weeks to even call the doctor. I think I was trying to protect myself from getting excited in anticipation of more bad news. I was encouraged this time because I got to symptoms I did not reach in my first pregnancy, like nausea, which made me think this one was fine. My first appointment was on February 26th at 3:00 pm. I went in and was scared to look at the screen. I looked at my doctor instead. I saw it in her eyes, no heartbeat. I should have been about 10 weeks pregnant and instead the baby was measuring about seven and half weeks. I couldn’t believe it. All I could think was “Was I one of those people?” “How could this be happening to me?” I called Greg in complete disbelief and made an appointment to get a D&C as soon as I got home. I did it the next day to get it over with. I was really uncomfortable with the idea that this sweet little thing had been sitting in my womb for almost three weeks with no heartbeat.
The paperwork for the D&C process is worse than the actual procedure. I was reading and signing page after page after page saying I was aborting and terminating the life of my baby. I wanted to scream “THIS WASN’T MY CHOICE!” Can’t someone just go in, hit command F and replace every time it says “abort” with “remove?” I took that whole week off and allowed myself to heal physically and emotionally.
Both times I was pregnant I shared with close family and friends early on. Would I change that? Never. Being able to go through both sides of it with them, the initial excitement and deepest pain, allowed for so much more healing and support. After all, wouldn’t I want those people to know about both of these losses anyways? I am a big believer in walking through life with people, even if sometimes it means asking for help or being more vulnerable than you are comfortable with. Having the extra support, especially during the second miscarriage, allowed me to have a lot of conversations about it. I learned a huge lesson, it is way more important to let people in than to go through things alone. Being open with my experience allowed others to open up back to me. I had no idea so many others went through such tough times alone. I am tearing up as I write this even thinking about trying to carry that pain on my shoulders with no one. It’s just too much, too heavy, too painful and too sad. Now, being two and a half weeks out from meeting our first son, I see the light on the others side and can’t wait to celebrate his life! As you can see below, I already think he is pretty cute.
I guess the point I want to get across with this post is that we are all “those people.” Very rarely is anyone’s pregnancy journey exactly what they want. So why isn’t this known information? Why aren’t we talking about everyday struggles with pregnancy? While some experiences may seem more painful than others, they all matter. Whether it took you months longer than you thought to get pregnant or you are having to explore fertility treatments, your story matters. You are not alone. You are not odd or weird for struggling with it. Everyone has a story. I encourage you to share yours below.
I will compile your stories and create a safe place for people to share and read them. Being open with my story has helped me so much by speeding up the healing process. All stories will be anonymous, unless you feel like you need to get it out there and completely own it. You can choose to add your name or not. Again, the point of this is to normalize that these things happen. I still do not understand why even during the “trying” period no one talks about it. Why are we supposed to keep some of the most exciting news of our lives to ourselves? Is it to build up walls until we feel safe sharing in case something bad happens? Don’t we want our village of people around in the best of times and the worst of times? I hope his helps you process your journey and your story no matter where you are: in the thick of it or on the other side. Let’s be vulnerable together and support each other.